White Castle vs. Krystal Or At Least the South Doesn’t Rise Again

I am often amazed with the obsession so many have with the Civil War, or War of Northern Aggression. Over a century later the impact of this conflict is still felt on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line (The MDL) cementing certain cultural differences. Several of these deep and fundamental divergences have been well documented, sweet vs. unsweet tea for instance, but one area that has been largely ignored is Fast Food. “Fast Food?” you say? Surely, McDonald’s and Taco Bell are ubiquitous on both sides of The MDL nor does the King (and I don’t mean Elvis) let his domain be dictated by such delineations. However, these corporate giants are rarely where most turn for food after a night of heavy drinking. Either their hours are not amenable, the number of menu items too high, or the food too precarious for a liquor lined stomach. What to do? If you are too drunk to make it to a diner, or your designated driver is unwilling to inflict you on the staff, there is a fast food choice that will suffice: Krystal or as it is called across the Northern side of The MDL, White Castle. But are they the same? Herein we will explore these two fast food champions of the drunken food world and maybe just maybe in doing so we will heal some of our nation’s wounds and close the cultural divide across The MDL.


A few weekends ago I went to Kentucky for an amazing wedding of two very awesome people; so a special thanks to J & B who made this review possible. A wedding reception packed with graduate students promised to be an alcohol heavy event so like all good drinkers I looked for the “drunk food” places adjacent to our hotel room. There it was… White Castle. Prior to moving to Atlanta I had lived all my life in North Florida and had never had the opportunity to eat at the Northern equivalent to Krystal, a drunk food favorite of mine. A Krystal is small square burger with a thin slice of steamed ‘meat’, topped with onions (disturbingly referred to as “Flavor crystals” by some), dropped onto a flavorless bun, and served with mustard (which proves a subtle and vital “tang”) and pickle. Cheese is an additional option but is really not negotiable so for the rest of this article when I refer to the burgers I mean topped with cheese. In my opinion the Krystal should just come with cheese and you should have to ask to have it removed. Sober, these little burgers are greasy, salty, and frankly horrifying. Drunk, each burger has just the right amount of grease: A LOT. Remember that drunk food needs to hit you on the head with its flavor since your taste buds might be fine but you have become a goddamn idiot. Less than 4 burgers will probably not be enough while more than 6 will probably push a tumultuous tummy over the edge.

So how does White Castle stack up? With several hours to go before the rehersal dinner we sauntered over to the White Castle to give it the sober taste test. My first thought was the White Castle was a little less greasy, a little more salty, and the onions a little more flavorful. As sober food this was certainly a little better than Krystal and the addition of mustard from an available packet made this a tasty little snack. However, left to my own devices I would rarely (read as never) hunt out either of these joints for a sober meal so who really cares? How does White Castle stack up drunk?

After a great wedding reception and a bus ride back to the hotel I staggered over the White Castle and order six “slyders” (the Krystal equivalent) with cheese (They too don’t realize the necessity of the cheese on their burgers) then headed back up to my hotel room with a few packets of mustard. I tore through the first two, forgetting the mustard obviously, happy as a clam because I had my drunk food. However, when I started tearing into my third burger it hit me. The grease level was too low. These burgers were leaving me unsatisfied both emotionally and physically. This was not drunk food but barely passable fast food in disguise. Such deceit is not surprising from White Castle, a company which early in its inception paid young men to dress in doctor’s coats to trick the public into thinking their food was healthy since medical professionals dined there. In the morning I awoke to find I had only eaten four of the burgers and terrible heartburn, a phenomenon that does not occur from a feast of Krystals. That morning I also learned the origin of the nickname ‘Slyders’ for these burgers…. I will say no more on that subject.

In conclusion, White Castle invented these little burgers but Krystal perfected them for drunken consumption. The lack of grease makes White Castle burgers unsatisfying when drunk. The chain has also forgotten that drunk people are not going to take the time to add the mustard which their burger sorely needs. If White Castle really wants to step into the drunken food market they should start serving all their burgers with mustard after midnight.

How about a mimosa for my little samosa?

Given that Atlanta is in fact a vibrant and ethnically diverse metropolis, we do have our fair share of good Indian restaurants. While we have not tasted every single restaurant in metro Atlanta, we've eaten enough curries and dosai to be able to pick a few favorites. Most of these places will be in Decatur, and this isn't just because we are lazy, Decatur happens to have a massive Indian community with strip malls of food and shops. The local thrift store has discarded saris on a daily basis!

For pure vegetarian cuisine we love Udipi Cafe, this place serves lovely non-greasy south indian vegetarian fare and even has a buffet that I happily partake of. I adore Udipis' breads and recommend all of their curries, the Dal Tadaka is especially flavorful.

Meat eaters can get their fix at one of two places we highly recommend; Bollywood Masala, or Zyka. Bollywood Masala has great atmosphere; a large screen playing bollywood videos and extra large bollywood star posters overlook modernist inspired furniture and starry wallpaper. The comparison to an Indian video store has been made by many. While the food is generally the same as most other places, a few standouts need to be mentioned: tandoori paneer and this interesting fish curry that I wish I could remember the name of. The waiter mentioned it might be too strong or too fishy, but it was one of the most interesting things on the menu. Overall the food is good but not great and we come for the hot bollywood hip gyrations.

Zyka is a cafeteria style place in a Montessori school. Sounds like the beginning of a joke...but their spicy chicken 65 is no joke. Eat the butter chicken! Feel the arteries clogging! The butter chicken is seriously tasty, I have to eat it at least once a year but stay away from the eggplant dish unless you feel like sweating or blowing your nose...that stuff is too spicy even for me who once cooked a dish so spicy I made people hallucinate. Zyka is also very fast and very cheap. Just thought I'd throw that in.

Bhojanic offers something a little different for the average American indian food eater. Yes, fusion and tapas are generally two words that make us run screaming from a place since usually those words are synonymous with 'fad' and 'suck'. Bhojanic isn't either of these, its actually pretty good. Not everything is a hit, the all you can eat Thursday tapas menu does get boring and the thalis are woefully average. Almost all of the tapas and chat are worth a taste, especially the pakora and almost anything with the chickpea-cilantro duo. While the thalis are average, when fresh tilapia makes the fish curry taste above and beyond the curry of duty. Oh yes, I went there.

Drew's honorable mention buffet: Chat Patti.

Woodfire Grill: How do I love thee?

Taking a break from writing about tasty artery clogging food, next up for discussion is our personal all-time Atlanta favorite place to spend too much money. So far. After all, we have not hit the ‘big guns’ of ATL like Bacchanalia, Joel, Seeger’s (rip), or the Ritz. Without further ado we present: WoodFire Grill.

Not many places are so focused on the food ‘values’ we have come to admire and agree with (still talking about food here, not politics). Chef Tuohy utilizes local, seasonal, and/or organic ingredients in the ever changing menu. We have been able to spend a significant amount of time slowly sampling our way through 4-5 course meals; lingering over some local and exotic cheeses, sipping wine or perhaps port during dessert. We never feel rushed by the impeccably timed wait-staff, and we never feel too old or too young in the comfortably dim interior. The focus of quality instead of speed and trendiness sets this restaurant apart from all the other pricey wasabi-poblano truffle-oiled whipped potato reduction places.

You can taste the difference between a quality, fresh ingredient over something that has just been marinated overnight to hide the poor quality or age. A whole wood-oven roasted trout in a light butter sauce tasted so pure that I literally expected the waiter to be handing some grizzled old fisherman a twenty. During the spring, the minted pecorino fava beans were a revelation. The portion sizes are neither overwhelming nor insulting, and the ‘sides’ are complimentary without overpowering (grits, potatoes, and delicately flavored vegetables abound). Woodfire tempts us into trying flavor combinations we would normally question: who knew beets with blue cheese would taste so good? The common factor in all of the menu items rests in the subtle simplicity of the flavors. Just because something doesn’t have 10 different flavors clamoring for attention doesn’t mean it isn’t wonderful. Atlanta has a lot of ‘hip’ restaurants, and we appreciate and like those places with the exposed bricks and bizarre steel sculptures; but ultimately we will suggest Woodfire Grill with its superior ingredients and ingenious taste.

Other menu items we’ll drool over:
any cheese. There are no bad cheeses.
free-range chicken
frito misto
any anti-pasto item
duck with seasonal fruit-related sauce (currently fig + peaches)