Hitchin' a Ride on a Crazy Train

Generally, when I think dinner theater I think of that scene in the movie Soapdish where a sad former soap star is reduced to playing Willie Loman to the gray and gumless all to the sound of silverware clinking. I thought that a murder mystery train ride in Southwest Florida might make for a calm night with some ok food and a nice murder. A hokey play title complete with hokey but cutesy characters, check. Five course meal, check. Me being the youngest person, check. near barroom brawl complete with bravado, check?

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but neither does one expect a train ride to nowhere to host a group of about 12 40-somethings who were drunk when they came on board, then proceeded to chug down more crappy beer and wine, break into bad song (thanks ladies), then get belligerent when an older lady shushes them. It was largely the fault of one of the 'gentlemen' who seemed unable to moderate his voice or machismo. The shusher's son tried to break it up when Tourist McAmateur started in on the whole "We are just having fun, you must be a tight ass and hate yourself", then the drunk male posturing began. The poor staff hadn't seen anything like this, they kept popping their wide-eyed heads in but were in no state to stop it. Finally some wives, girlfriends, etc, stopped it. Then the naysayers moved cars and the rest of us had to deal with the continued bullshit, that was now tinged with the flavor of bruised ego. I kept hearing mutters of "he wasn't so big", and "we've got your back". Holy crap crazy people, if you need to spend your vacation shitfaced during dinner theater on a train; maybe you need to reconsider what you do on vacation. Or maybe I'm a tight ass and hate myself.

So the food: cheese spread and crackers with fruit. Followed by a creamy potato leek soup that was quite fatty but the size was small enough that it was just right. It was gentle and lovely. The next course was a salad; the general cucumber, grape tomato, greens type. The greens were not iceberg which was an unexpected plus, they were a spring greens mix. The drawback was that the tasty sesame oil oriental dressing was applied too liberally to the salad rendering me unable to finish the stronger tasting greens. The menu had a typical selection of a choice between beef, chicken, and fish. I chose the salmon with a light champagne dill sauce. The salmon was fine, the sauce not too overbearing. The rice dish and peas/carrots mixture tasted of the freezer or the box. A small chocolate mousse in an edible chocolate bowl topped off the meal.

Overall, the meal was better than expected for a dinner theater train. While the menu was not inspired or interesting; it was well done and I would recommend it. They also did have a kitchen on the train, likely helping the meals quality. As the staff told us that a situation like this had never arisen before, I think that maybe I was lucky in getting two shows for one on the crazy train.